Forgiveness

One of the hardest things to do is to "actually" forgive others of things that have hurt you deeply. Even if you have said you have forgiven them, there is a part of human nature that wants to hang on to the hurt and therefore we do not "actually" forgive and in doing so allow Satan and his workhorses a foothold in our lives. I can actually admit that I am living proof of this. In Elementary School through High School I was taunted, teased and treated in ways that left deep scars. Even though I said I had forgiven them for what they had done, I held onto the hurt and let the lies define who I was. The hurt, abandonment, ridicule and other damaging experiences throughout my childhood and adult life left scars that although I thought I had forgiven those who inflicted them, I hadn't because I was holding onto that hurt and the lies because I had defined myself by them. The wounded little girl inside of me was stunted and not allowed to be free and be a little girl and be herself. At age 33 I began a journey of healing that started when I took the first steps to see a counselor. That counselor was God orchestrated and God used her to facilitate His healing at the right times. Now at 34, I have gained a lot of insight into who God truly made me and healing in all the areas He knew I needed. Was this an easy walk? No! It was painful, it was hard to swallow the fact that I have held onto bitterness, anger and hate, yes, even hate towards others and the injustice as I saw it that happened. I had to even swallow wishing others ill because of my anger. These are all sins my friends and I had to rid myself of those things to truly be free and embrace the blessings, joy, freedom, calling and divine, original design God intended for me to be. I thought that all my pain was there to stay forever but then when I attended a weekend counseling seminar led by Awake and Arise for the second time, it was a God experience that has now changed my life. All I can say is that forgiveness was offered and received and given to all past offenses by others and by myself. I then hear 7X70 by Chris August and it truly hit home. He sings towards the end of the song: "God picked up my heart and helped me through and shined a light on the one thing left to do and that's forgive you, I Forgive You." The last two years of my life, God has been doing just that, shining a light on all the things I needed to allow Him to expose and clean up so that there was only one thing left to do and continue to walk out daily and that was Forgiveness and say " I Forgive You." No matter if that was going to be received by all those who hurt me, it didn't matter because I was saying it on my end to God so that His healing could begin in those places. The rest of the song from start to finish is below. All I can say is that when we feel all hope is lost, God comes in and shines a light and reminds us just how small we have made Him and just how BIG HE truly is.

THIS IS A TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU MUST LEARN TO LET GO: of past hurts, loved ones, of possessions, of control. In order to let go of something that is precious to you or that has defined you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete. Take time to bask in the Light of My Love and Forgiveness. As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing your prized possession into My Care. You can feel secure, even in the midst of cataclysmic changes, through awareness of My continual Presence. The One who never leaves you is the same One who never changes: I am the same yesterday, today and forever. As you release more and more things into My care, remember that I never let go of your hand. Herein lies your security, which no one and no circumstance can take from you. Psalm 89:15; Heb. 13:8; Isaiah 41:13

Lyrics to Chris August 7X70

I’ve been living in this house here
Since the day that I was born
These walls have seen me happy
But most of all they’ve seen me torn
They’ve heard the screaming matches
That made a family fall apart
They’ve had a front row seat
To the breaking of my heart

7 times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
7 times 70 times
There’s healing in the air tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around

I remember running down the hallway
Playing hide-and-seek
I didn’t know that I was searching
For someone to notice me
I felt alone and undiscovered
And old enough to understand
Just when I’m s’posed to be learning to love you
Let me doubt again

7 times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
7 times 70 times
There’s healing in the air tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around

I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many times you weren’t around
I’m all right now

God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing left to do
And that’s forgive you
I forgive you

7 times 70 times
If that’s the cost I’ll pay the price
7 times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times
There’s healing in this house tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around
Yeah
I’m gonna wrap it all around

I’ve been living in this house here
Since the day that I was born

Embrace

It is amazing to me that I could go through daily life without thinking about how much I need my husband and God. I am amazingly blessed to have a God, a husband and two children who need me, love me and unconditionally accept me for who I am. This weekend a lot happened to me but to put it in the smallest form I was dead before and now I am alive!!!! I am a new song because God is my song!

Jesus Calling:

TRUST ME AND DON'T BE AFRAID; for I am your Strength and Song. think what it means to have Me as your Strength. I spoke the universe into existence; My Power is absolutely unlimited! Human weakness consecrated to Me, is like a magnet, drawing My Power into your neediness. However, fear can block the flow of My Strength into you. Instead of trying to fight your fears, concentrate on trusting Me. When you relate to Me in confident trust, there is no limit to how much I can strengthen you.

Remember that I am also your Song. I want you to share My Joy, living in conscious awareness of My Presence. Rejoice as we journey together toward heaven; join Me in singing My Song. Isaiah 12:2-3; Psalm 21:6

Longing to Trust

Woke up today looking forward to a new day but afraid and unsure. Sometimes I just am so afraid of making a mistake I find it hard to get through a day without anxiety.....wait a minute. I don't have to worry. God can you help me? I am in tears at breaking my son's heart yesterday and I don't want to do that again. What is going to happen today? How will I handle it? What about tomorrow.....Help me please. God's Answer:

TRUST ME ONE DAY AT A TIME. This keeps you close to Me, responsive to My will. Trust is not a natural response, especially for those who have been deeply wounded. My Spirit within you is your resident Tutor, helping you in this supernatural endeavor. Yield to His gentle touch; be sensitive to His prompting.

Exert you will to trust Me in all circumstances. Don't let your need to understand distract you from My Presence I will equip you to get through this day victoriously, as you live in deep dependence on Me. Tomorrow is busy worrying about itself; don't get tangled up in its worry-webs. Trust Me one day at a time. Psalm 84:12; Matthew 6:34

Misunderstood...

Silently crying, my husband asks "What's wrong?" In the silence of myself I was grappling with the complexity of who I am and why I do things. One of the things that I was struggling with was why I watch so many movies and why I obsess over certain characteristics of people and wanting those for myself..Truth, so I really want to admit it?...I don't like being me...There are things I try so hard to change, but never seem to reach my goal. The consequences of my behavior or mindset affects everyone around me and that makes me grieve and wish even more I wasn't me. I love my life, my kids, my husband, my family...just not me the way I am, in it. Swallow...I ask my husband, "Why do you think I watch so many movies?" "You hate your life." Pain hits the heart, but truth erupts from my mouth as I tell him what I had just admitted to myself. "I don't hate my life. I love my life, just not me the way I am, in it. I am making it difficult, I am getting in the way of progress, of healing, of becoming all God wants for me to be." Then God sovereign words come and this is what I hear as He calls to me:

COME TO ME FOR UNDERSTANDING, since I know you far better than you know yourself. I comprehend you in all your complexity; no detail of your life is hidden from Me. I view you through eyes of grace, so don't be afraid of My intimate awareness. Allow the Light of My healing Presence to shine into the deepest recesses of your being - cleansing, healing, refreshing, and renewing you. Trust Me enough to accept the full forgiveness that I offer you continually. This great gift, which cost Me My Life, is yours for all eternity. Forgiveness is at the very core of My abiding Presence. I will never leave you or forsake you.

When no one else seems to understand you, simply draw closer to Me. Rejoice in the One who understands you completely and loves you perfectly. As I fill you with My Love, you become a reservoir of love, overflowing into the lives of other people. Psalm 139:1-4; 2Cor. 1:21-22; Joshua 1:5

Worn out, weak Mommy

Yawn....No sleep, headache, sore throat...how can I get through this day...baby crying, 3 year old saying "Mommy, come one, lets go outside, I want to put my clothes on...Mommy?" Hurry get the kids fed...no come on son, eat....as 1 year old throws the food out of my hands.....throw on clothes, who cares what I wear or if I look dumpy...so I am a dumpy looking mom, whatever.. Again, my 3 year old, "Come one Mommy....lets go play..." Go outside, 1 year old falls because I was helping the 3 year old..."Okay time to go get coffee at the grocery store!!"...all the while my frustration, fear of failing as a parent because I am so tired is building up inside me.....God!! Help me! I don't want to fall. I need you to help not fail as I do so many times. We get home, eat lunch, kids go for nap and then I stop and read this:

Jesus is Calling: IT IS GOOD THAT YOU RECOGNIZE YOUR WEAKNESS. That keeps you looking to Me, your Strength. Abundant life is not necessarily health and wealth; it is living in continual dependence on Me. Instead of trying to fit this day into a preconceived mold, relax and be on the lookout for what I am doing. This mind-set will free you to enjoy Me and to find what I have planned for you to do. This is far better than trying to make things go according to your own plan.

Don't take yourself so seriously. Lighten up and laugh with Me. You have Me on your side, so what are you worried about? I can equip you to do absolutely anything, as long as it is My will. The more difficult your day, the more I yearn to help you. Anxiety wraps you up in yourself, trapping you in your own thoughts. When you look to Me and whisper My Name, you break free and receive My help. Focus on Me, and you will find Peace in My Presence. Phil. 4:13; Prov. 17:22

Breathe....The Voice of Truth Shines through the Lies.

Jesus Calling

LISTEN TO THE LOVE SONG that I am continually singing to you. I take great delight in you...I rejoice over you with singing.The voices of the world are a cacophony of chaos, pulling you this way and that. Don't listen to those voices; challenge them with My World. Learn to take mini breaks from the world, finding a place to be still in My Presence and listen to My voice.

There is immense hidden treasure to be found through listening to Me. Though I pour out blessings upon you always, some of My richest blessings have to be actively sought. I love to reveal Myself to you, and your seeking heart opens you up to receive more of My disclosure. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Zeph. 3:17; Matt. 7:7