Misunderstood...

Silently crying, my husband asks "What's wrong?" In the silence of myself I was grappling with the complexity of who I am and why I do things. One of the things that I was struggling with was why I watch so many movies and why I obsess over certain characteristics of people and wanting those for myself..Truth, so I really want to admit it?...I don't like being me...There are things I try so hard to change, but never seem to reach my goal. The consequences of my behavior or mindset affects everyone around me and that makes me grieve and wish even more I wasn't me. I love my life, my kids, my husband, my family...just not me the way I am, in it. Swallow...I ask my husband, "Why do you think I watch so many movies?" "You hate your life." Pain hits the heart, but truth erupts from my mouth as I tell him what I had just admitted to myself. "I don't hate my life. I love my life, just not me the way I am, in it. I am making it difficult, I am getting in the way of progress, of healing, of becoming all God wants for me to be." Then God sovereign words come and this is what I hear as He calls to me:

COME TO ME FOR UNDERSTANDING, since I know you far better than you know yourself. I comprehend you in all your complexity; no detail of your life is hidden from Me. I view you through eyes of grace, so don't be afraid of My intimate awareness. Allow the Light of My healing Presence to shine into the deepest recesses of your being - cleansing, healing, refreshing, and renewing you. Trust Me enough to accept the full forgiveness that I offer you continually. This great gift, which cost Me My Life, is yours for all eternity. Forgiveness is at the very core of My abiding Presence. I will never leave you or forsake you.

When no one else seems to understand you, simply draw closer to Me. Rejoice in the One who understands you completely and loves you perfectly. As I fill you with My Love, you become a reservoir of love, overflowing into the lives of other people. Psalm 139:1-4; 2Cor. 1:21-22; Joshua 1:5